Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
