I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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