so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
