He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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