what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she looked like the before picture.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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