38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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