dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
