This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
