all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
