i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's great music for shaving your balls
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
