Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
