he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
