This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Alive.
So much puke
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
