You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
