I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
