She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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