Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
