My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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