Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
