Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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