Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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