if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
