What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
