you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
