you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
