We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
