I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
