Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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