He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
