i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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