Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
