like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you didnt know i had herpes?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
