Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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