It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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