Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
