I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
