I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
