My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
