Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
