Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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