I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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