I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
