You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
