remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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