Please, let me fuck your mom
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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