so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
honey bunches of taint.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
