OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
