just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
