Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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