I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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