...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
