Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
