you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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