You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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