That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
