I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
