i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize